Jul. 9th, 2012

sbearbergman: a photo of my head and shoulders, dressed in a navy suit and bright blue shirt, face turned partly away (Default)
1. The pace of life right now does not lend itself to thoughtful updatery. But I am going to try for better.

2. Sunday was a terrible day here in many ways. I had a truly terrible show, in which I simply could not connect with the audience. It has been such a long time since I had that feeling, that all-alone-onstage experience, and it has hit me hard. I know I need to get back on the horse, &c., but I don't really want to.

3. Then, upon returning home, I was told that a neighbour and colleague, Kyle Scanlon, took his own life. I'm so saddened and exhausted by this news, and by the understanding that this lovely gentle guy found himself in that brutal moment without the harbor he needed. I know we can never understand another person's internal landscape - I don't know what brought him to that pace, or what if anything could have helped. But I do know that we forget to worry about people who always seem to be all right, and whether or not anything external could have helped Kyle I won;t be forgetting that important fact anytime soon.

3.5. That evening, I had wonderful close people visiting, and they did everything they could to help me feel better about all the things. Also, my fabulous husband [livejournal.com profile] ishai_wallace insisted over my protests that we pack up the kid and the dog and head to the water. He is wise in many ways.

4. With the invaluable, intrepid Calvin, many things were hung on walls today, including a magnificently nerdy vinyl decal of a dictionary definition of love in the master bedroom. It looks like the words that galleries apply to their walls during an exhibition, and it pleases me enormously. Also hung: family calendar, artwork gifts from [livejournal.com profile] meter_clicks and [livejournal.com profile] coiled_blue (at last) and travel-themed artwork from our travels. I am happy to see them on the walls, and also there's some way in which the disappearing blank space pleases me. Perhaps some day of my life will be minimalist and peaceful, but at the moment I enjoy the friendly, productive, lovely chaos.

5. I could, however, do without the dog hair. Good grief, Levi.

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sbearbergman: a photo of my head and shoulders, dressed in a navy suit and bright blue shirt, face turned partly away (Default)
S Bear Bergman

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